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C3 P. O’d

April 8, 2009

These are the days that you wish your bed was already made.

True story.

The MTA is clamoring for a fare hike. It makes perfect sense: exemplary service; tidy stations; courteous staff. Wait, I can’t find the staff. That’s ok. I’mManhattan Man. I’m man with plastic. I’ll just get my Metrocard from the machine. ..

What, what’s happening…Can’t accept credit cards or debit cards? Sweet Mother of God, at least there’s another one right here that…what…another…a n o t h e r one not working?

I find myself channeling the Dominique Dunne in Poltergeist:

WHAT’S HAPPENIIIIIIIINNNNGG?!?!?

Dominque Dunne in Poltergeist

Dominque Dunne in Poltergeist

Who carries cash anymore? Not me apparently..not effin’ me. And that’s when I eye the turnstile….

For Chaddy M, turn turn turn…i have some credit…turn turn turn…and there is a time for this purpose under Heaven.

No response. The cold-hearted bitchstile laughs at me…taunting me at half mast. Jump me, he says. Show them what you’re made of.

I almost give in, but I can’t jump. I had a friend do that a decade ago. He had to wash trash cans and platforms for two weeeknds from 12am -6am.

I cry (inwardly) and look away. It’s then that I see the writing on the wall: Si ves algo, di algo.

Yeah, nada tu mama.

Great campaign there, pard. There is NO ONE with whom I can be di’ing. Now, I’m effin’ mad. Geezuz H. I can’t let machines win.

I sigh loudly. I want people to hear me. And then I’m embarrassed. Why am I sighing? Cause I’ve gone from Plastic Man to Pathetic Man o’er the course of two minutes. Good god, it takes longer to swing at a key party.

Now I’m a man hiding from world in a hoody. I pull up the hoody to cover me, and it’s then I feel something familiar…something pulling at me from far, far, away. I move slowly toward the stile, I raise my palm forward and utter:

These are not the droids you’re looking for, let us pass.

Utterly useless. The only things passing are people and time. I pull down the cowl and live to face another day…machines be damned. I hope Fox renews Sarah Connor. I’m grabbing that milf, MTA…ya hear me?

We’ll be back.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. April 8, 2009 3:45 pm

    the mta is ridiculous… they want so much and do so little themselves.

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