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Arrrrrghot

April 11, 2009

A friendly public service announcement presents itself as a scene.


Act I

Curtain rises on a NYC coffee bar.
You, the coffee connoisseur, and Village hipster, have just entered the bar.
You are literate. You are tomorrow’s hope. You are thirsty.
Indie music and mash-ups awaken your ears…sounds from hipster heaven.
Rich aromas of ground coffee beans make love to your nose.
Baristas milk the udders of the stainless steel cows and deliver dairy froth to your fair-trade, organic coffee.
You have arrived.

Unfortunately, you have arrived too late.

You look around.
Seat after table after bench after couch after toilet is occupied.

You have fallen victim to the Lap-stops.

Lap-stops Beware

Lap-stops Beware

They prey on tables, feasting on their level surfaces all day, regurgitating data into their machines…hungry flies at the screeen.

Like your coffee, they are grounded…for hours…with no coffee cup, brownie bite, or cookie crumb nearby to stake their claim.

The steam from the coffee co-mingles with the steam emitting from your ears. These squatters have, quite successfully, sedentarily stopped all traffic flow within the establishment.

Exeunt

Act II
You came, you saw, you Yelp.

Curtain falls

Lesson to be learned:
There’s no fair trade in lap-stops, people.
Coffee can bring on more than one kind of movement.
Contrary to popular belief, you can cruise Manhunt and update your Facebook stati from places other than a coffee bar.

Roast your beans somewhere else, people
Think, drink, and go.

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